he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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