you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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