i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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