Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
