Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
