omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
