I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
