Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
