I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
