whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
