your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
