Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
