i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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