Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
