I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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