so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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