I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
