That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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