Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Randomize
