i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
