dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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