She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
