i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You have to summon your inner elephant
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
