Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
ugly people sure do ruin things
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize