drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
