Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
