Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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