Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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