Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
