it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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