Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
