i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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