jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
