Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
