You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
