Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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