Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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