hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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