If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm both gender and math confused
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize