There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
