who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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