I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
