What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
