If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
