I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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