I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You have to summon your inner elephant
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
