i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It's blow job season.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
