She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
