Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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