i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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