My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
