Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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