if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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