I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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