you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
