We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
