The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
