I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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