If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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