Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
