Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
