my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
