Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
