he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
