I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
