so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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