Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize