I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
