how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
