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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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