life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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