we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
There's even glitter on my cock...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
