I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
don't judge my taste in strippers
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
