What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
